A Broken Record

I'm hard on myself about a lot of things. Often, my self-talk goes along these lines...

•You're not exercising enough. Other people exercise more than you do. You need to do be like them and do more.

•You eat too many desserts. People think you're a healthy eater, but if they knew how much chocolate you ate, they'd be thinking something different. You're not providing a good example.

•Your legs are ugly and aren't toned. You need to do more squats. Don't look in the mirror. You don't want to see all those bumps, lumps, bruises, cellulite and imperfections. Should you even be wearing shorts or a swimsuit? I mean, come on.

•You've gained weight. You better be careful or you won't be able to fit in your clothes.

•Speaking of clothes, you have too many. You shouldn't be buying clothes or things for yourself. That's inconsiderate and selfish.

•Your writing is elementary. You need to go back and fix what you wrote to make it more thought-provoking. Is anyone actually going to read your thoughts anyway?

•You don't read enough intellectual books.

•You need to make more money. You have to prove your worth.

•You procrastinate too much. You put things off and blame not doing it because you don't have the energy. You should get off the couch.

•You could do a lot of things better, but maybe that's just not for you.

Ugh. There's so much more that goes on in my head. Writing it down is embarrassing but it's truthful, and I need to exercise this vulnerability.

I know these are old tapes that have been playing in my mind for decades. I guess the content could be worse. Truth-be-told, sometimes it is.

I'm working on it, though.

I'm trying to identify the lies and replace the messages with positive self-talk...turning the destructive thoughts from a deceitful, negative to a positive truth. For example,

"You need to lose weight" is false.

The reality is:

"You're not overweight. You're listening to an abnormal, all-to-popular and mean 'socio-norm' that was planted in your brain by people, images, articles, media that never had your best-interest at heart. You do not need to drop some pounds. You know that, Laura Lyn. Let's pull that tape out of the cassette, rip it up and throw it away."

For every negative thought, I'm going to try to return to truth, re-phrase and find joy. I don't want to be robbed of the beautiful because I'm listening to a broken record.

I am who I am, and I am proud of who I am continuing to become...