I Thought Those were Gone

Laura Lyn Donahue
May 6, 2019
3 min read

I went and saw Mom and Dad today. I like going on Mondays. Seeing them, chatting, and catching up is a highlight for me and a great way to start the week.

We sat on the back porch instead of the front porch this time. Dad made us acai bowls with granola.

We rocked and talked.

Carly sat in my lap and Buddy on the floor by Dad.

We looked over the garden at the beautiful flowers they've planted.

We watched a mama Wren feed her baby birds in Mom's planter on the wall.

Mom and Dad are so knowledgeable and authentic.

We talk about anything and everything.

It's fun to catch them up on the kids;

although, I think they stay pretty current with them through texting and Instagram!

Today, I mentioned that I had been experiencing some envy.

I explained (insert shame b/c I already have so much)...

Hmmm, I don't really want to write it. It's too vulnerable...

Brene Brown talks and writes a lot about vulnerability,

how it is not just healthy to experience it and act on it,

but it is also essential that one be vulnerable if we want to live a full life.

I wholeheartedly agree

Okay so, I'm going to write it with trepidation.

Here goes: I'd love to have a screened in back porch. I wish I had a pool. I'd be "so happy" with a renovated house...the list goes on with loads of materialistic desires (insert shame)

want

(insert shame's voice: "you shouldn't have those thoughts", they're not ok. you're better than that. How could you possibly want more? You don't need more. You should be ashamed.")

Telling Mom and Dad about my feelings, my envy, and exposing my shame for feeling that way...

Mom and Dad listened.

Dad gave me a singular word that covers most of the above: covet.

Also, comparing is present.

They shared with me how each of them has gone through the same and how they understood. They validated me and my feelings, and handled them

with care and love

I thought my "keeping up with the Jones's" mentality dissolved a long time ago.

I feel like it's inappropriate for an almost 50 year old.

All of this made me mad

and that's what I felt last week

Angry for my feelings

Angry for not having my "wants"

However, practicing the Artist's Way is what has given me a fresh perspective. The author told the reader to expect emotions we haven't seen in a long time will pop up.

So, later last week I decided to honor and acknowledge the burden of comparison, envy, jealousy, etc.

I allowed these to sit with me.

I told myself that it's okay to be feeling this way

as long as you don't stay there.

Talking to Mom and Dad was helpful and insightful...and not the least bit shaming. Dad told me that when he's had feelings of wanting what others have, he thinks about how adding those items means,

there is more to take care of!

True. The more one adds, the more that requires,

dusting,

repairing

replacing

wanting more

more+more=more take care of

Mom read me a poem by Rumi called "The Guest House"

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

After Mom read the poem out loud, she told me that when she's had feelings of jealousy,

she sometimes returns to this poem of Rum's.

I've read it at some point in my life

but had certainly forgotten it and its wisdom

a sweet reminder that

honoring feelings

is important and okay...