I woke up to an encouraging text from a dear friend. She sent me this verse, "Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me...Surround me with your tender mercies so I may live, for your instructions are my delight," Psalm 119:76-77.
Sitting at my kitchen bar this morning, I'm feeling the need for comfort and love. I'm off my game. Much to the delight of our dog Scout, I dropped the kitchen trash bag and spilled its contents (including leftover rotisserie chicken) on the floor. A water bottle slipped out of my hand. Thankfully, there was no water in it. My husband asked me if I had his car key, and I answered, "Yes, it's in my packet jacket." Hmmm. Funny but getting less funny.
My mood is sinking. The house is dirty, but as I type my daughter is sweeping the floor and my son is collecting all of the dog toys scattered around the house. There is relief in help.
Anxiety is creeping in, though, still no sunshine. No rain today which is good but rain is forecast for the next however many days. Rarely do I look at the 10day forecast unless I'm planning travel. Mostly, I stay with the day's forecast and maybe the following day because our weather always changes, but today, I was just looking for the sunshine icon...the icon! No luck.
My body feels like, "Debbie Downer". I know what to do. I know steps to break out of the funk, the cabin fever, but I'm not ready to make a move toward the positive...just not yet.
I'm tired from a string of days taking care of our stir-crazy, 107 lb. lab Scout who is as restless as the rest of us. The fluffy innards of a giant unicorn are strewn all about. Dog toys everywhere. Yesterday I put him in the car just to go for a ride. The rain was pouring down yet Scout stuck his head out the window for our 30 minute round-trip. He loves water, and watching his joy made me think that I needed a splash or two in the face...or maybe not.
It's Monday. President's Day today. School is out. Two kids home. Scout is racing down the halls. He's too cute and funny to be irritated with for long, but I have been using a lot of my own energy trying to help him use up all of his restless energy.
I feel better writing about it. This post isn't well-constructed and doesn't flow too well. Instinct would have me go back, fix it, give it better flow...at least the performance instinct in me would do that. Today, the "it's fine the way it is" mentality will prevail.
If I have to remind myself a hundred times a day that this blog space is for me, then I will do just that. I've got to let it be...let it be for me.