It's a beautifully, sunshiney day here in Franklin. The wind is blowing briskly, though, and is whipping up the atmosphere to prepare for rain. Been there done that.
What I haven't done, though, is get to my third thread that I'm pulling from my tapestry of, let's just call it legalism for now.
I've loosened three strings from my burlap square. For one, I'm letting the lens of love be a compass on which to guide me in my view of others. The second thread looks like loosening the shackles of religious talk that may put others off or drive them away...including myself. I'm taking away the horrible guilt of "not being Christian enough"...who even knows what that is?
Shaking these strands isn't easy. They catch while I pull and some days take more effort to recognize than others.
Next to using the Bible differently in my life, this last thread is pretty well-woven into...I was going to say fiber of my being...but, it's not really part of my make-up or DNA, instead, this thread is much more intertwined into my "doing".
Growing up going to church, living in the south, attending a Christian school are all places where I learned to ask others, "Where do you go to church?"
Seems a simple enough question--normal around here--but I think I'm having a harder time with the answer than the question.
Inquiring minds want to know...they do. People in my environment want to know where he or she goes to church. I get it. It's a great way to make connections with others, figure out how you know someone, find out how small the world is...
But what if the question is much more loaded than that? For me it's full of a lot more than just making connections.
"Where do you go to church?" can easily set someone up for what looks more like exclusion than inclusion. What if I don't go to church? What if I don't go to church anymore? What if I'm looking for a church? What if I'm not looking anymore? What if I'm tired of church?
What if I answer the church question(s) with, "I took going to church off of my 'to-doing' list, and I don't go to church anymore. I've looked for a new church, but I've decided that 'looking for a church' has gotten in the way of my spiritual journey."
Whoa! That kinda makes my southern, church of christ foundation start to crumble. Ahh. So much legalism.
I have such an urge to qualify everything that I'm writing write now. I want to "explain why". Who do I owe this answer to? NO ONE. However, this "doing" question has been by my side for all of my life.
I speak the name of my church - approval. I say how many times I attend, what community group I'm in, how long I've gone to church--more and more approval. Ahhh....I thrive on approval -- or do I?
This desire for approval is almost more of an avoidance of shame because I'm different today. We don't go to church...oh, no more qualifying. If someone were to read this, I would definitely offer deeper background if asked. I just don't want to write all of that right now because, like I continue to tell myself, and it bears repeating--this blog is for me.
I'm finding a new freedom in the Bible and in Jesus that has me thrilled to explore, and that's what I'm doing...
Renee asked me, "What does this look like for you?" I answered, "It looks like am walking like this" and then I stood up and showed her how I see myself walking...kind of like a penguin whose flippers bounce to the beat to the rhythm of his waddle...a little unsteady but upright.
She said, "Do you feel like you're going to fall? What do you see?" Interestingly, I had an immediate visual... me walking on train tracks.
Yep...train tracks...now what's that about?
I'll save it for tomorrow.