Recall Joy

I woke up not wanting to get up.

The alarm went off at 6:00 am as usual,

but I felt down

depressed

It's Friday.

I always look forward to Friday.

I just didn't have that same "let's get out of bed and conquer the world" kind of feeling.... which is more exception than rule,

but I rarely rise with a sense of dread rare anyway

Often I wake up happy and ready to take on the day...

now more than I have in a long time

It's raining outside

Contributing to my gloom

Maybe the earth is crying with me?

She doesn't look sad though

I stepped out on the deck to watch Jordany board the bus

I lingered

Looked out into the yard

My 3/4 of an acre doesn't look despairing

It may be cloudy and gray in the sky above

but the Earth itself is vibrant

the flowers are stunning

there's a pulse of joy,

newness

Perhaps my view is giving me permission to feel gloom?

it's okay to feel depressed

(as long as you don't overstay your welcome)

Recall the joy embedded within your core

Your sky may be cloudy,

your brain foggy

But your the foundation on which you were built is

beautiful

vibrant

beating

alive

breathing

walking on two feet

typing with two hands

seeing with both eyes

touching

feeling

Your body is doing its job

in spite of the weight

because of the heavy heart

I'm holding the moment

Gratitude is the anecdote

Focus on "the haves"

not the "have nots"

It's okay to be down

I need to process it

Even if I don't fully understand it

selfishness is present

envy is present

self-pity is present

an undefined despondency is present

I'll allow them a visit

I will explore their purpose

I will move at my own pace

toward a renewed sense of thankfulness

And I will rediscover my joy

she is not lost

I am not forgotten