Run with it

Nobody likes a bully, right?

I don't

Bullying yourself through someone else's life makes it hard to form authentic friendships

Most people that I know would rather forgo a relationship based on someone else's demands

That's not to say that it doesn't happen to the best of us

Bullies can disguise themselves well

We can entertain them, be vulnerable with them

and then BOOM

The narcissist in our "friend" comes out

and we are at a loss

we may feel trapped

we might experience panic attacks

the body reacts uniquely for each one of us

What I've come to learn is that those who desire to intimidate, are not

vulnerable

authentic

committed

and

are rarely sympathetic, much less empathetic

Spotting the bully is the first line of defense, and I think each person has to learn her own way of dealing with and recognizing the warning signs

Recently, I encountered an intimidating person

First off, I was flowery and complimentary

nothing

Next, I was a bit more cautious, wary

but I could not get a word in edgewise

I certainly felt cheated and disregarded

So, I finally came to terms with there was

no emotional relationship to be cultivated

and certainly no respect

I determined that the cut-and-dried, non-emotional approach was the best way for me to even get a response or acknowledgement

I didn't need a friendship with this person, but I wanted to be friendly.

My goal is to always, always lead with kindness

which is exposing...

and opens me up to taking things personally

When kindness, much less courtesy, is not reciprocated, then I know who I'm dealing with, and I arrange my boundaries for self-care and preservation

Take the emotion out

Respond with simple facts

to-the-point sentences

Demand what you need and move on

In my most current experience with a bully

I've been able to practice the non-emotional, practical response

Did it work?

Not exactly

I haven't gotten what is literally owed to me....

yet

But I got a response and some attention to this person's obligation to me

That's a start

It's a good one

Run with it

My brush with this person is almost over

Oh, how I had wanted to be friendly, encouraging and sweet

It didn't work

Their loss

not mine

And

that's more than "okay"

I'm me, and you are you

We have a lot to give

but not at the expense of being sucked of our joy

keep an eye out

stand your ground

remember that you are important

your feelings matter

you are owed respect

(even if you don't get it)

Surround yourself with those who show up in your life with joy and encouragement

anything less

is precious time taken from your unique and beautiful self