Gosh, I really didn't want to get up today. I hit snooze, but then all I could think about is what if I don't get up? I'll miss my morning pages, my exercise routine...
Interestingly, as I lay there in my bed thinking and not snoozing, a phrase from the AW came to me... "Self-will".
Physically I can get up. I actually do want to write. I want to make Eliza her morning coffee and sliced apple. I want to do my "lower body chisel". I want to be up for Jordany and Scout.
I could easily say that I got up because I wanted to take care of the kids...true, but what really got me up was the writing, and I'm so glad that I stumbled out of bed and to my bathroom desk.
My handwriting is terrible. It doesn't matter. No one is allowed to read my pages, and the AW also insists that I not go back and re-read them.
Reading my stream of consciousness isn't the purpose. Putting the words streaming from my head onto the paper is the point. It's a detox.
I wrote so fast this morning. I'm sure nothing is legible--non-issue anyway.
I did get "it" out...from my head and heart and onto the pages, and after writing, I had the energy and renewed desire to greet Eliza and Scout, and after my exercise, I got Jordany on his way.
Using "Self-will" as opposed to "self-discipline" works better for me...at least for now.
Self-will feels like a choice
Self-discipline feels like a chore
Choice or chore...I can do either.
Today was choice