Today I went to a small group meeting at our elementary school. The meeting was designed for parents with children from hard places... often a "hard place" is associated with adoption, but a hard place can relate to any child who has lived in potentially detrimental circumstances--poverty, malnutrition, en-utero trauma, fetal-alcohol syndrome and more.
The presentation and discussion was really good and helpful. There were probably 20 parents there.
For me, this gathering re-reminded me of some of the coping mechanisms that I learned prior to and during the early stages of bringing Jordany home.
I was thinking back on him--his being in his mother's tummy during the Haiti earthquake in February 2010. Being born in poverty and malnutrition. I don't know if his mother had a home to live in or a tent or if she slept on the streets. We hardly have any information on Jordany's first 4 years.
Something important that I really need to remind myself about is that it's important for me to take a closer look at how I'm communicating with Jordany. I need to be more intentional, compassionate and less-irritated so easily.
Having an almost 9 year old at when I'm almost 50 is sometimes hard. I can find myself being resentful. I feel like I'm missing out on the "almost empty nest". Letting myself have these feelings and working through them is important...not just for me but for my relationship with Jordany.
I love him so much. He's one of the sweetest children that I know. He's my son. He gives great hugs. He's so handsome, and his smile lights up the room. He's a wonderful child, and I'm grateful to be his mom.
Jordany is a gift to our family. Loving him and raising him enriches my life in ways that I don't always recognize. I know, though, that Jordany was supposed to come home to us.
Reflecting on our family of 6 going to Haiti to bring home our complete family of 7, is a joy deep in my soul, and I am forever changed.
"When I'm feeling difficult emotions, I need to find presence and grounding." - LLD
Knowing all of this about my son and the difference he has made in my life is crucial. There are those times, though, that are difficult, questioning, irritating, etc. Going through those emotions and circumstances are part of life in any scenario. When I'm feeling difficult emotions, I need to find presence and grounding.
Today, I learned a wonderful tool. The therapist told us when we are feeling out of sorts, like we can't handle a situation, like our tops are gonna blow...she recalled a phrase from Dr. Karyn Purvis when she said "wiggle you toes" and that will literally give you a sense of feeling grounded. Ha! So simple yet so powerful. When she said this everyone in the room admitted to wiggling their toes. I love it, I'm going to remember to wiggle my toes!